I wrote this letter some years ago. My friend took some time before he could talk to me about it. He said he had to read it over several times but came to understand that I meant well, and he knew that Claire and I did care for him.

Dear Jack:

Since we are good friends, you will read this letter in the spirit of both friendship and understanding.

When we walked back to our cars, together, the other night, both Claire and I observed that you seemed to be a bit down.

God knows, we understand that life, at the moment, is very difficult for you. We both know the feeling of being alone, even when surrounded by friends who understand. It’s a terrible feeling. Both of us have lived through such a time; we remember it all too well. It’s as if nothing anyone can say or do is of any help.

Jack, you and I have lived with our loved ones for many years. I remember the many gifts that I received from Collette. She brought softness to my life, a better understanding of the fullness of life, and, of course, the gift of children. Our life together consisted of the usual ups and downs, but at the end of the day, there was joy, companionship, and love.

I am sure that it was the same for you and Muriel. After Collette died, I can remember thinking about how her death was unfair, about what I could have done better, about why it was her and not me. Most of all, I just wanted to understand. After a time, I began to realize that my life had changed, and worst of all, that I was now entirely alone.

The best gift that Collette ever gave to me was her complete and unconditional love. Claire and I both know that the love you received from your dear Muriel was of the same kind.

Jack, all of us need love in our lives, and as we are men, we need the love and respect of a woman. We hope that you will remember the priceless gift of love that Muriel gave to you. That love will be there for the rest of your life.

We know that you understand that we neither give advice, nor do we dare suggest what you do with your life, but, recently, we came across the following thoughts:

As you now know, being faithful to your love does not mean dying or destroying yourself.

If you really want to be true to someone you have loved, and keep alive her memory, put yourself in her presence mentally and ask her what she expects of you. Let her respond.

The inner dialogue will give you clear directions for your life.

Your beloved will tell you to honor her by living fully, growing, and loving again.

You carry within you the wisdom and the legacy of a deep and emotional bond between you and your beloved.

Jack, you are one of the nicest men we have ever met. You have much to offer. Open up your heart; be receptive to another’s love when it is given to you. Your love for Muriel will always be with you, and someday, when you are able to accept the gift of love from another, it will not replace Muriel’s love, it will just be different. We care for you.

As the years came and went, Jack attended most of our gatherings, played bridge, went on many trips with friends and just enjoyed life. He became an accomplished hugger. We used to get a kick out of seeing the line-up of women waiting for a hello or a goodbye hug from him.

Those of us who have known Jack for a long time wondered if he would ever find another companion. Some of us, ones who should know better, assured one and all that Jack would never find another love. Where folks get ideas like that one is beyond me. When it comes to predicting human relationships, never is never a good word choice.

One day, Jack met a woman from one of our walking groups. We noticed a change in him. It was ever so slight at first, but we have been with this group for so long that we notice even the most subtle change in our friends. On the next group trip, Jack brought his new friend. Our social group pals perked up noticeably.

There are always those who take great delight in making more of a situation than necessary. Sometimes, they border on becoming nosy. In this case, however, there was reason to speculate.

The social group has witnessed some new relationships and a number of marriages through the years. We have seen enough of these wondrous happenings to know that sometime and somewhere, when you least expect it, you will see a sign that signals a new love. That is a moment that you will never forget. The fact that people are older and come from such different backgrounds and life experiences doesn’t seen to matter one little bit.

One of the more popular pastimes at our socials is that wonderful game of bridge. Alas, my wife, Claire, refuses to learn the game, but I might add that she is a ferocious crib player. I thought I had best mention that fact, just to be politically correct. Folks are in the habit of bringing their favorite pack of cards. One of my little jobs is to toss out the worn cards, and sometimes this becomes a delicate matter.

Jack had his own special set of cards. Now and then, the group played with them. Each time Jack’s cards were used, he remarked that they were his wife’s favorite set. One night, when we were packing up, someone remarked that Jack’s cards were a bit worn and sticky. I heard Jack say, “I guess it’s time to throw our cards away.” He then came over to me and repeated, “It’s time to throw out our cards.” I asked if he was sure, and he said, “You know it’s time, John.” He left the room. I thought about following him, but Claire called out to me, and the spell was broken.

It is wondrous, mysterious, and spiritual to observe the beginning of a loving lasting relationship. It’s akin to watching a slow dance.

The last time that I saw Jack, he talked about his wife, Muriel, and his new love in exactly the same way that Claire and I talk about Collette and John.