The members of two Walking Groups at Victoria Hospice were asked to relate their Bereavement experience by answering six questions. One Group had ten members and the other thirteen. The answers are tabulated by groups. The first group has written a record of the members’ experiences and feelings for five years and can be viewed in the article Collective Diary. The second group has no formal written record.

The following was not intended in any way to be a scientific survey.

The participants were encouraged to tell their story in a non-directed way. Experiences were surprisingly similar. Differences between men and women were very minimal. There was much loving humour in the stories. Several from the group had re-married or have lasting relationships sometimes surprisingly with former friends and indeed some going back for many years. It was also very clear that none of the participants wished to forget their loved one.

 

Each participant was given a number. First Group was 1 to 10 and second Group was 11 to 23.

 

I wanted to find out from the participants in these two groups their answers to the following questions:

How did they become involved with Victoria Hospice and the Walking Group Program?

Did they attend any Group Counselling Sessions?

Did they or a member of their family seek and receive any individual help from a Hospice Counsellor?

How did they describe their experience in the Walking Group?

What do they think the future holds for their particular Walking Group?

Does the word "Closure" have any relevance in their bereavement experience?

 

First question: How did they come to Hospice and then to the Walking Group?

	Group 1	Group 2
Bereavement Office	4
Family Member	1	2
Co-Worker	1
Doctor	1	7
Friend	1	1
Local Paper	1
No Contact with Hospice		2
Cancer Clinic		1
Can't Recall	1

 

Second Question: Did they attend any Hospice Counselling Groups?

	Group 1	Group 2
Yes	5	4
No	5	9

 

Third Question: Did they or a member of their immediate family seek and receive any individual help from a Hospice Counsellor?

	Group 1	Group 2
Yes	5	5
No	5	8

 

Fourth Question: How would they describe their experience in your Walking Group?

1 Companionship, activities, friendship and caring.

2 Very supportive.

3 Comfort, support, safe place and first hand knowledge to sort out the complex feelings of grief.

4 Solid contact with people in the same situation.

5 Once a week I am in contact with people who understand my ups and downs.

6 I can talk with understanding people.

7 Companionship.

8 Similar experience and we can talk freely.

9 Companionship, understanding, listening and friendship.

10 Able to discuss and share my loss.

11 New friends, companionship.

12 Share activities, help others and make new friends.

13 Helpful new friends, new focus on her life.

14 Godsend, needed to be with people, something magical about walking.

15 Completely at home from the start.

16 A big part of her life now.

17 Needed to get out of the house, Godsend.

18 Loves everyone in the Group. Able to share his feelings for the first time.

19 Wonders how her life would be without the Walk.

20 Caring people, comfortable being there.

21 Feels close to all Walkers.

22 Important part of her life.

23 Able to talk and to be listened to.

Fifth Question: What do they think the future holds for their Walking Group?

1 It is a caring Group and will continue for some time.

2 Favourable.

3 We have formed strong bonds and I feel we will continue for some time.

4 A continuing support Group for all our thoughts and problems.

5 We will stick together all our days.

6 Long standing friendships.

7 Some will stay and some will leave as circumstances change.

8 A strong Group and I think we will stay together.

9 We will remain friends.

10 Most of our members are more of a mature age, so eventually time will take its toll.

11 Group is changing but this is hard to pin down. We have been together for over seven years and much change in physical ability for some.

12 Much change because of illness and age.

13 Group will continue due to strong leadership but perhaps in small groups.

14 Hope it continues for a long time but maybe in smaller groups to suit age and physical ability.

15 I hope it continues for a long time. I appreciate the strong leadership.

16 Seven years has taken its toll. Illness and age is a serious consideration.

17 Group is changing and may break into smaller groups.

18 I want it to continue forever but folks are a bit older and the Group will have to change.

19 Slowly evolve into smaller Groups.

20 I hope it continues but folks are a bit older now.

21 We will continue as long as we are able.

22 Will continue because we need each other.

23 We need each other and we are comfortable with that.

Sixth question: Do they think there is “closure” in the bereavement process?

1 For some and not for others.

2 No.

3 No.

4 No.

5 No, grief is always there even though life is easier with time.

6 Things go easier as time passes. But real “closure”? You never forget and it is always on your mind.

7 I think it is different for everybody.

8 No, however there is more of an acceptance.

9 No, you cannot “close” the door on grief but you can learn to gradually make the best of a new way of life.

10 No.

11 There is no time frame in the grief process but time does lead to acceptance. “Closure” is not the correct term to use with bereaved folks.

12 No such thing as “closure”. Still calls companion by his wife’s name.

13 Closure is an unkind way of putting it if it means forgetting or moving. There is no time frame to grief.

14 Does not believe there is such a thing as “closure”. Thinks of her two loves each day.

15 Marriage was not a happy one. At the death of her husband, she feft relief and sadness but stills thinks of him often. Hard to forget the past.

16 Her husband asked her to share her life with someone as they had shared theirs. She and her new husband talk about their loved ones most days. There is no “Closure”.

17 “Closure” is the wrong word, acceptance is more accurate.

18 How could anyone accept such a concept?

19 Thinks of her son and husband every day. Does not understand the use of the word “Closure”.

20 “Closure” does not exist for them as they talk about their loved ones most days.

21 Doesn’t even want to hear the word.

22 I think “Closure” would-be an evil word because that part of our life is very important and valid to me. I would be very uncomfortable if I couldn’t somehow include it in my life today.

23 Married again and both he and his wife talk about their loved ones a lot even use the names.

It is quite amazing that two groups of people having nothing in common except the loss of a loved one are in total agreement about “Closure”

John Ralston Saul, in his book on Equilibrium has this to say about Closure: “That is one of the curious naivetes in old fashioned Freudian analysis—that there must be closure on issues before the patient can move on. There is never closure on any issue. We move on because we are able to debate issues, not because, we have left them behind.

To believe that something is resolved is to freeze ourselves into a static limbo where we are passive by conviction and dangerously exposed to the whim of anyone with ambitions. We pretend we believe something we don’t believe because we feel anxious about our inability to resolve it and our inability to admit that we haven’t resolved it. We panic. We surrender up our intellectual mobility in order to satisfy our fears and artificially calm our panic”.