The marriages that we have witnessed amongst our bereaved friends have been very successful. That is not to say that all has been sweetness and light, by any means. In fact, while the marriages may be wonderful, getting to that point has not always been easy.

Objections to a marriage often come from adult children, sometimes on both sides of the relationship. The interference is usually based on perceived fear that the new marriage will cost them the one parent that they have left. Then there is the fear that the new relationship will be the end of the holiday traditions with which they grew up. Worse still, the marriage might be perceived as the end of the inheritance.

A wise couple will consult a good lawyer and will follow the advice given. The best money that Claire and I ever spent was on our marriage agreement.

I am happy to say that, by far, the majority of people in new marriages have resolved little problems before they become large ones. No one can ever replace a parent. Once offspring realize that that is the last thing that a surviving parent’s new love wants to do, things become easier. Most children, regardless of age, want the best for the surviving parent.

I have to comment on one scenario. Consistently, when the surviving spouse is male, a man’s children have unrealistic expectations of their father’s monetary circumstances with respect to those of his new friend. The truth is that bereaved women are usually more affluent than bereaved men.

Women inherit the house, the investments, and the insurance money. Bereaved men inherit the house and the investments but rarely are they recipients of large insurance policies.

In my age group, it never occurred to us to insure our wives, so, after a spousal death, there is a gender financial imbalance, a difficult thing to explain to younger generations. That’s another reason to see a good lawyer, soon! Claire and I have had many visits from couples who are worried about the reactions of families to a new relation- ship. We suggest, gently, that they meet with their children and have a frank discussion as soon as possible.

At a gathering the other day, I ran into a woman who had recently married a man whom she and her deceased husband had known for years. I asked how things were going, and this was her answer:

I am having the time of my life. What with my six kids and his six, our life is a zoo most of the time. The twelve kids and their young ones love us both, and they sure know how to show it. We are having twenty-eight for Christmas dinner, and I can hardly wait for it to happen. I think of my Jim most every day, and I am sure he is laughing his head off at all this. I love my Jim, I love all those kids, and I love my new husband with all my heart.